


Just Because Everyone Else is Doing it (doesn't mean I should too)

by BaredWolf



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fallen Castiel, Gen, Humor, Inappropriate Humor, Trying something new, pooping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-25
Updated: 2013-09-25
Packaged: 2017-12-27 13:45:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/979627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BaredWolf/pseuds/BaredWolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are some indignities of being human that Castiel is having a hard time adjusting to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Because Everyone Else is Doing it (doesn't mean I should too)

**Author's Note:**

> I'm...I'm sorry. (This was one of those fics that just came to life without my permission.)

“It is disgusting, Dean. I refuse to debase myself with that activity.”

“No, no it isn’t Cas, it’s totally normal, you’re just being a wuss.” Dean scrubbed a hand over his face. “Come on, you’ll feel a lot better.” 

“I am not a wuss. And I don’t want to try it.” Even to his own ears, Castiel’s voice sounded petulant.

“You said you wanted to know more about being human. Well, bubba, this is part of being human, and you’re eventually going to have to do it whether you want to or not.” Dean crossed his arms and leaned against the table where Castiel was sitting. 

Castiel frowned, choosing to doubt the veracity of Dean’s words. He was thousands of years old, he had been more powerful than any human could ever imagine. He was still a warrior. He would not be brought down by this indignity. Dean sighed. They had been arguing for ten minutes already, after Dean had realized why Castiel was behaving so oddly, and the conversation was headed nowhere.

“Fine, Cas,” Dean grouched, “fine. You know what? I’m gonna run to the store real quick, and we can talk about this again when I get back.” If Castiel was going to act like a toddler, then Dean was sure as hell going to treat him like one. Dean remembered going through this same argument with Sam and it wasn’t any fresher for the wear. 

“What are you getting at the store?” Castiel asked, his stomach suddenly rumbling even as a cramp clenched his gut. Two days ago he had discovered raspberries. They were delightful. Sam had gotten a little irritated that he ate all of them.

“Not the grocery store, Cas. And I really don’t think you should eat anything else until we resolve your...issue.” Castiel wondered for a moment if he liked potato chips enough to suffer terrible humiliation. He decided that he did not. Dean patted his jacket’s pockets until he located the Impala’s keys. “I’ll be back soon.” 

As Dean’s footsteps trailed up the stairs and receded towards the door, Castiel tried to focus on the book he was reading. His gut twinged again, painfully, but nothing he could not endure. There was absolutely no way he was going to give in. He took a deep breath and tried to relax. 

* * *

Dean’s boots thudded on the floor as he stalked towards the back of the bookstore. He did not have time for this shit, not with everything else that was going on. But Castiel had taken becoming human pretty hard - and some parts of it harder than others. He sighed as he turned to the left. 

Large, friendly posters and colorful chairs dotted this section. A mother with a toddler in her lap eyed him warily. He ignored her, scanning the shelf tags until he found what he was searching for. He frowned at the oppressive happiness of the decor as he surveyed the appropriate shelf. A dozen possibilities stared back at him: he picked the one with the most obvious-sounding title and headed for the cashier. 

The girl ringing him up opened her mouth, prepared to make a joke about his purchase, before catching a glimpse of the thunder in his eyes. She swallowed and kept her eyes on her work. 

“Good luck,” she said, attempting a half smile as she handed him his bag. He quirked his eyebrows. 

“Thanks. I’m gonna need it.” The bell over the door rang harshly as he exited. 

* * *

“Cas?” Dean called out, the bunker’s door thudding closed behind him. He walked into the war room, descending the steps quickly. Castiel was still in the library, resting his head on the open book in front of him. He managed a low groan in response to Dean’s greeting. “Hey, Cas, you’re not looking so good there, buddy.” Dean set something down on the table as he laid a hand on Castiel’s shoulder. 

Castiel felt hot and cold at the same time, his skin prickling where Dean touched him, his insides painful and twisting. He thought he might be sweating a little, but he couldn’t move enough to check. He left his head where it was, arms hugging his stomach tightly. 

“Look, Cas, I got you something,” Dean said, pulling at Castiel until he sat upright and looked at the colorfully illustrated book Dean slid in front of him. _Everybody Poops_ , it declared, in large friendly letters. _Not true_ , Castiel thought venomously, glaring at the lying tome.

“That is not helpful,” Castiel grumbled, as his insides gave another lurch. 

“Cas, come on, you’re gonna strain something. You’re gonna feel _so_ much better once you just do it, I promise.” Castiel scowled at the smiling child on the cover of the book. 

“I will not do it,” he insisted. 

“You will, eventually,” Dean said ominously, “and it’ll be a lot better if you decide to do it yourself.” Castiel met his eyes, trying to glare at Dean but failing, his shoulders slumping as he thought about why he was really angry. 

Castiel was angry with his body for betraying him with this weakness. It was another reminder in a string of horrible reminders that he did not merely inhabit his vessel, he _was_ his vessel. He groaned as another cramping wave rolled through him, leaning forward to rest his head on the table again. 

“Alright, you stubborn son of a bitch, that’s it,” Dean announced, dragging Castiel roughly to his feet and manhandling him in the direction of the bathroom. Castiel was in too much pain to resist. “No more Mr. Nice Pooping Coach.” Castiel moaned plaintively. 

* * *

Dean was right, he did feel better afterwards. As he washed his hands, Castiel decided that it was horrible and humiliating and disgusting, just as he had expected. But it was probably better just to get it over with, like so many unpleasant things about being human. After all, he felt better for doing it. Perhaps that was why it was referred to as _relieving oneself_. 

Dean thunked him on the back as he exited the bathroom, grinning like a proud parent. He handed Castiel that book again, _Everybody Poops_. 

“Sometimes being human is shit, Cas,” he said. “But you’re not alone in it.”


End file.
